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Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stumped.”
His buddy said, “I have an idea, why don’t you make up a certificate saying, she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She’ll probably be thrilled.”
So that’s what Joe did.
The next day at the bar, his buddy said, “Well, did you take my suggestion?”
“Yes, I did,” said Joe.
“Did she like it?” His buddy asked.
“Oh yes! she jumped up , thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, “I’ll be back in an hour!!”
*
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard.
As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.”
After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.
This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things.
She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.
At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it.
She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”
Mildred turned to her and said,
“Oh my goodness! Am I driving?”
*
A young woman from New York City was driving through a remote part of Oklahoma when her car broke down.
An Indian came riding by on horseback and offered to give her a lift to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride into town was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a loud whoop that echoed back from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in Bartlesville, he let her off at the local Phillips 66 service station, yelled one final, “Yahoo!” and rode off.
“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant.
“Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”
“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback.”
*
A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives. She approached one of the women for an explanation.
“This is marvelous,” said the journalist. “What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?”
Replied the Kuwaiti woman: “Landmines.”
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