Dog for Xmas
Little Johnny had a cursing problem and his father was getting tired of it.
He decided to ask his shrink what to do.
The shrink said that since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cursed he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. (more…)
Syllable lesson
The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words. She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more than one syllable.
“Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words?”
“After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday.”
“Great Jane. That has two syllables, Mon……day”
“Does anyone know another word.” (more…)
New watch
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
“Did you get that for your birthday?” asked Little Johnny.
“Nope.” replied Jimmy.
“Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”.
Again Jimmy says “Nope.”
“You didn’t steal it, did you?” asks Little Johnny. (more…)
Definitely
A nursery school teacher says to her class, “Who can use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence?”
First a little girl says, “The sky is definitely blue.”
The teacher says, “Sorry, Amy, but the sky can sometimes be gray, or black.”
A second little boy says, “Trees are definitely green.”
“Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown.” (more…)
Jonny jonny
ji papa
Khai chini
na na na
bola jhooth
na papa
Muh kholo (more…)
Toothbrush sales
The kids filed back into class Monday morning.
They were very excited. Their weekend
assignment was to sell something,
then give a talk on productive salesmanship.
Little Mary led off, “I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30,” she said proudly, “my sales approach
was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success.”
“Very good,” said the teacher.
Little Sally was next, “I sold magazines,” she said, “I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“Very good, Sally,” said the teacher.
Eventually, it was Little Johnny’s turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of
the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher’s desk. “$2,467,” he said.
“$2,467!” cried the teacher, “What in the world were you selling?”
“Toothbrushes,” said Little Johnny.
“Toothbrushes?” echoed the teacher, “How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?”
“I found the busiest corner in town,” said Little Johnny, “I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample.
They all said the same thing.
“Hey, this tastes like s**t!” Then I would say, ” It is, wanna buy a toothbrush?”
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| “Life is short and so is money.” -Bertolt Brecht |
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| “I believe in a lively disrespect for most forms of authority.” -Rita Mae Brown |
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| “I have learned, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” -Henry David Thoreau |
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| “Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood.” -Helen Keller |
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| “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” -Martin Luther King, Jr. |
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| “After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.” -Mark Twain |
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| “This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time.” Narrator, Fight Club |
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| “Live life to the fullest.” -Ernest Hemingway |
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| “Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.” -Will Smith |
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| “Time is an illusion, lunchtime, doubly so.” -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy |
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| “Man is immortal; therefore he must die endlessly. For life is a creative idea; it can only find itself in changing forms” -Rabindranath Tagore |
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| “Life must be lived as play.” -Plato |
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Eel in his pants
One day, little jonny asked his mom what sex was.
“Tonight, go into your sister’s room, hide behind the curtain, and watch what she and her boyfriend do.
The following morning, jonny’s mom asked what happened.
Little jonny explained “well at first, they were just kinda talking and laughing, but after a while they started kissing and hugging, sister got a fever, cuz she said she was feeling hot.
So sister’s boyfriend put his hand under her shirt to find her heart, just like the doctor would. (more…)
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| “Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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“The art of love … is largely the art of persistence.” -Albert Ellis |
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| “Tell him I’m going to the back seat of my car with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes!” -Homer Jay Simpson, The Simpsons |
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| “The hardest of all is learning to be a well of affection, and not a fountain; to show them we love them not when we feel like it, but when they do.” -Nan Fairbrother |
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| “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.” -Judy Garland |
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| “There is only one terminal dignity — love.” -Helen Hayes |
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